krik krik girl. testing2

To the person we miss the most today :')

I don't know how to start and where to start. But this is just a little thing of everything. Because writing is my best way to express what I'm feel. I miss you dad. We miss you. Really miss you. 

Today, I'm not even know that I have come to this day. One year passed, means that one year we have not see you in person. One year we do not sleep at our own house. People do not know what we have been going through. People only see what I choose to show. Some people asked " hurin tak sedih dh ke?" Wait what? What kind of question? Do I need to always show my sadness in front of people? Let me tell you, my sadness will never get rid until forever but I just can control it. I can't just be sad all the time and doing nothing. There is no day in everyday that I don't remember my father. There is no day in this one year that I don't miss my father. It just me myself that know it.

I still remember and can feel it how was the night I received the news. I remember each one person who gave me a hug, who calms me, who wipes my tears, siapa yang ada pada malam tu. Each one of you guys. I'm not able to thanks everyone but this is my thanks to all of you. Please know that I'm really appreciate it and I don't know how to repay it. 

But, with this loss too had taught me many things. I mean so many things. Bukan semua orang akan ada dengan kita bila kita susah. Kalau kita ada seramai mana pun kawan, yang tinggal masa susah hanyalah dua tiga orang tu je. That has taught me a lot to be the new me now. Now, I do not mind or in a rude word, I do not care about losing friends anymore because I know there is nothing more important than family. My family is now my priority. So if you guys do not want to be in my life anymore so just get out okay. I also do not need that kind of people :) 

To tell about how I'm being an independent without a father is too hard. There are some days that I can accept the reality but there are also some days that YaAllah why is this so hard for me? Even seeing people with their family would break my heart and rasa nk nangis on the spot. I know that ujian itu hadiah dari Allah. I know that not only me in this world is losing someone. I also know that there are so many people out there yang lagi susah. I know. But what I do not know is how to continue living. If only Allah ask me what do you want? I would ask for please send back my father so that I can kiss his hand for the last time, so that I can ask for forgiveness, so that I can hear his voice again, see his smile and see him in person :)

Writing this without even crying is totally not me. It's not easy to write this but I need to write as this is one of the ways to heal. For my friends that have left me, I just want to say; If one day you are facing the same situation as me, I just want you to be strong because maybe at that time I will not be with you too. As the saying goes, what you give you get back :) Not to be rude but I know this is kind of  'kasar' but hati dah tawar. Nothing can do. I'm sorry. I know that there are some of you yang doa dari jauh untuk aku. I appreciate that thank you. My target is now just for my family. To tell every single thought here is impossible. Because there will be not enough space to write all of it. Let make the rest just be between me and Allah.  

I'm writing this not because I'm seeking for anyone's sympathy. But I'm writing this for my own self so that one day, if I'm facing a difficult day for at least I know I have gone through my most hard day when I lost my dearest person. For at least I know that I can handle the situation and I'm strong :') so that I can face many more hard days with calmness. I hope so. I know one day that I will feel the happiness and hikmah dari Allah atas apa yang berlaku. I just need to have faith and never give up.

I just want to see you again...

Status : No need to be worry of your future because it has been planned by Allah as beautiful the way is, all you need is just work towards it. Gambate!